Author's Edge

How to Recover from Burnout and Reclaim Your Energy with Cait Donovan | Ep. 77

• Allison Lane • Episode 77

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Burnout isn’t a personal failure; it’s a signal.

Why does your energy crash just when you need it most? … during a book launch, while writing your manuscript, or building your platform. Author and burnout expert Cait Donovan joins Allison to share how we can recognize the hidden drivers of burnout and rebuild our energy without guilt. 

They explore practical self-care strategies, the neuroscience behind exhaustion, and how to channel frustration into the bold next chapter of your career. Tune in and learn how to reclaim your energy so your publishing journey feels sustainable, not draining.

In this episode, Cait and Allison discuss:

  • [00:00] Intro & Setup: Why burnout isn’t a failure but a signal for change
  • [02:00] Burnout Triggers: Perfectionism, people-pleasing, and hyper-independence
  • [04:00] The Science: Why your brain misses burnout signals + how stress narrows vision
  • [14:00] Recovery Tools: Two starting points — foundational self-care and resentment journaling
  • [08:00] Career & Growth: Why high achievers get stuck and can’t see new possibilities
  • [16:00] Mindset Shifts: Using resentment as a superpower + rebuilding trust with your body
  • [20:00] Cait’s Story: From thriving in Prague to realizing it was time to pivot
  • [25:00] The Takeaway: Burnout isn’t your fault — recovery leads to a bolder, bigger life

Cait Donovan, keynote speaker and burnout strategist, helps leaders and teams deliver results without burning out through science-based, practical systems. Host of FRIED: The Burnout Podcast and author of The Bouncebackability Factor, she brings a clear, blame-free, outcome-focused approach to every stage and organization.

Resources Mentioned:

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Cait:

One of the things that happens to our brains with chronic stress is that we lose peripheral vision. Like actually lose the ability to see side to side, which inhibits our ability mentally to see anything but what's in front of us. So, when you are burnt out, you literally cannot think of that pivot because all the possibilities are out here somewhere, and you don't have access to that.

Allison:

Hi achievers, I see you. I know what it feels like to be succeeding at something that is slowly draining the happiness from your nuggin', and you're just tired of being tired. this is a sign. You've outgrown where you are, but you keep toiling at something that's quietly exhausting you. burnout possibly isn't the end. It doesn't mean, oh, I got to keep going, going to the minds. Maybe it's a signal of something bolder. Cait Donovan, is here to shift how we think about burnout and why pushing through isn't a badge of honor. Cait, you host this amazing podcast, FRIED. The Burnout Podcast. And you wrote The Bounce Ability Factor, which blends Biobehavioral Science and Chinese Medicine. So, I'm hoping that you can help all of us, high performers, high achievers reclaim our energy so that we can go into our bold next chapter. please help us.

Cait:

Fingers crossed. So, one of the things I'll say from the get go is high achiever, low performer, when you're in burnout. First, right? And that leads to a really nasty cycle. When you're a high achiever, you don't want to be a low performer, obviously, So then you start a judgment cycle, which winds into a flywheel of guilt, shame, blame, judgment, over and over again. So, first, if you're actually burnt out and you're a high achiever, you are not able to keep up with that level of achievement anymore. So, you're on this emotional. So, that's number one.

Allison:

why do smart capable people stay in places where they're trying to succeed at something that's clearly draining them.

Cait:

Most of the time everybody's burnout experience is different. But most of the time, it's a combination of the drivers behind your personal behaviors that add to burnout. So, your personal behaviors are not the only thing that created a burnout situation in your life. We have culture, environment, workplace, family history, your overall health, et cetera. There's lots of different things that come together in this scenario. But the drivers in your own personal life tend to be perfectionism, people pleasing, hyper independence, not being clear on what your values are because you either adopted them from your family or you created a set of values in spite of your family, which means your family's still controlling the values either way. And underneath all of those things is a must do these behaviors to keep myself safe. And safe, means loved, valuable, and noticed.

Allison:

I'm flashing back into these moments of burnout that I knew I had. I was like, why am I so tired? I'm young and spry. I still feel young at heart and spry in spirit. But why didn't someone say to me, Hey, I think you need to take a step back.

Cait:

Or you didn't want to. And they might have. You wouldn't have heard them. So this is, I think the first thing to understand is that if you burnt out, you were probably never going to be able to avoid burning out.

Allison:

Okay. So, let's not, that should, so I don't feel like a failure for no then getting to the burnout stage. No. Because part of the thing that makes people successful is their momentum. Exactly. and I didn't know this at the time, but my thyroid was waning, quickly. And I ended up needing a thyroidectomy, which is fun. It's like you're just a shell of a girl, with no energy at all. Even though there's medicine, it doesn't work that great. But it wasn't my fault because the ambition in me is like, well, I should have seen it. I could have conquered it.

Cait:

No, and I'll explain why you couldn't. So, the majority of people that have those that sort of, those sort of behavior lists that lead to burnout, these are coping mechanisms, survival strategies. Most of us that do them also have this other insidious thing that I don't know a lot of people that talk about. And it is a lack of a skill that's built on from your brain that's called interoception. And that means internal sensing. When most of the behaviors this perfectionism and people pleasing and hyper independence are born of a fact that we were clued into somebody else's needs for most of our childhood and trying to adjust our behavior so that we didn't mess up the system. If I'm perfect, then my father won't drink or whatever the story was. Or you know, my parents only love me when I'm quiet. So, if I pull back and stay small, then I'll still be loved and I'll be safe. Right. I safe when I'm invisible. Yes. Yeah. So we start to clue in to our parents' needs, our siblings needs, or whoever was the adults in the house, we start to clue into their needs so strongly. That we never develop the part of the brain or the skill that allows us to tune into our own. there's a particular, there's two little parts of the brain that work together to create this sense of interoception. And then, most people that are burnt out, this part of the brain is smaller. It's actually not as grown. So, you are not seeing the signs on the way to burnout, not because you're not paying attention, but because you literally don't have the skill. So, when you have pain in your hip, you adjust the way you sit a little bit. to avoid it. Then, you don't feel it anymore, and you forget that you're sitting crooked because you're not paying attention to your body. This is why the unofficial hashtag of fried is pee when you have to pee.

Allison:

Oh my gosh, right? Yes. Or remember to eat something. Hashtag, did I eat anything today? Right. It's ridiculous.

Cait:

You have to pee, eat when you're hungry, rest when you're tired, move when you're antsy. Everybody's always talking about how we should calm down. But sometimes you've got this abundance of weird energy because you had a crappy email or a crappy conversation. And you should be getting outside and walking for 10 minutes to shake it off like a dog would after an encounter. you need to move sometimes. these really core things, which in my business in Burn Bold, we call foundational self-care. These are the skills and tools we need to build in order to grow that skill and those parts of your brain that are responsible for that skill. just because it's not grown doesn't mean it can't grow, but it does require not writing three more emails before you go to the bathroom.

Allison:

Oh, I know that drive of, I'll just do one more thing and as an ADHDier proud and out loud, that drive of I'll do one more thing, and then being time blind, and then an hour has gone by. And you're like, well, that was the time I had to go to the bathroom or take walk.

Cait:

And now, I have two calls back to back. Right? Yeah. And instead of then, then are people pleasing turns on. And instead of saying, Hey, excuse me, I'm going to do a quick bio break before we record. It's not going to take more than 120 seconds, most likely. But instead of asking for that small thing because we are listening and responding to our body's basic needs. We override that because we're afraid if we ask, then we would be unloved, ostracized, left alone. Right. And basically the bottom fear is I'm going to be destitute and die.

Allison:

The destitute having is definitely, I think a big one, especially for women. A lot of the people who come my way have been, shooting stars in their careers. They are at the top of their field reach that tippity top you know, earlier than most. And they're very well known in their industry. And the years go by and they're still at the same place. They start thinking about a career or a life pivot, but they're burnt out and never get to it because they're still toiling. I think it's just becomes like a big ball of messy. They usually say I used to do that, but now I want to do this entirely different thing. I'm like, but you're still the same person, we don't want to walk away from what you did,

Cait:

Or we might.

Allison:

But we're not going to erase the fact that you were a leader in an industry. We don't want you to start fresh like you're a newborn baby who has no experience. You are a leader, you maintain those leadership skills or that speaking presence. But when they're burnt out, how do you get them to see what's happening so that they can make those decisions and pivot. In a positive way.

Cait:

So, I like that you called it a shooting star, because a shooting star is actually a star that's leaving the atmosphere and burning out. A ship star burns through the earth's atmosphere and then crumbles. Just peters out. So, we don't want to be a shooting star. That would be terrible. But often we are. Yeah. And the atmosphere is the level of success that we thought we'd ever allow ourselves.

Allison:

Because that's all we could see. When we are conditioned to seek approval and to move up the ladder, because when you want to go to third grade, you have to graduate second grade, and that's not something you can decide for yourself. Somebody says, we pass you. And this is the next step, and you take it and this is the step. And so, it's very visible from a young age. And then, you get your first job and your boss says, now we think you're ready to move up. when you become the leader. And you're speaking at industry conferences and people are coming to you for input and guidance and mentorship, you look around and there's nobody to mentor you. And you're like, I'm not growing. Everyone else is growing. Ooh, that's a place.

Cait:

I'm not growing, everyone else is growing. And most of the time, if you're someone who has a tendency to burnout, no one can help me grow because I know better. We get stuck in that. But I want to talk about this idea that you stay in this mess because you're not sure where to go. And this is another neuroscience thing that we need to understand. So, chronic stress does this really weird thing to our brains. When I learned this, I thought about it for months after. So, one of the things that happens to our brains with chronic stress is that we lose peripheral vision. Like actually lose the ability to see side to side, which inhibits our ability mentally to see anything but what's in front of us. So, when you are burnt out, you literally cannot think of that pivot because all the possibilities are out here somewhere, and you don't have access to that. Wow. That's like to me, like I learned that and I was like, that makes so much sense because I could not figure out what to do with myself. this is why I never recommend, and this is not a pitch for myself, this is go talk to anybody you want. I highly recommend people don't go through burnout, recovery alone. And why in my business we really recommend that you do it in small group. We do five person groups, small groups. But we really recommend that you do it in a group because you need to borrow each other's eyes and brains to remember possibility to start to take off those horse blinders, so that you can be reminded that other things exist.

Allison:

Yes. That is so powerful. And it really rings true for the people I help get published. They never see themselves as I see them. and all they're doing is dimming their accomplishments. they equate themselves to the role that they're in versus the result that happens from the good that they do.

Cait:

Well, and there's things like, in the book space especially, and in the podcasting space too, anybody can turn on a computer. And say, I'm an expert in this. I have a podcast. And in the book space, it's the same. my first book was self-published, which means when people are like, oh, you're an author, I'm like, well, sort of. You know, like even I do that to myself because there's so many ways to create things that were not accessible to most of us before, even in the National Speakers Association. In order to join the National Speakers Association, a year or two before COVID, you had to have$25,000 in speaking gigs over the course of 12 months to show that you are like actively pursuing this as a career and you had to show them the receipts basically. And so, that wasn't true when I joined, but I did it anyway because I thought, well, if that was like a thing, then let me do that to sort of prove to myself that it's worth me spending the money on this thing. That I'm serious enough to do this. But now that doesn't exist anymore, and I don't necessarily think it should, but we're all entering into these spaces that are suddenly available to everybody, and we don't know that we've earned any of it.

Allison:

Because we're looking for someone else's, okay. Just like, going to 10th grade after ninth grade. You're looking for somebody else to say, you may pass.

Cait:

Exactly. And now, there's that system where we complain so much about the system and how it's broken, but this part of the system has changed drastically and none of us know what to do with it. it allows us to not take ourselves seriously and to have that humility, but mostly because we're afraid of owning a space that nobody gave us permission to own. should we need permission? No. But does that matter to our internal feelings? Also, no.

Allison:

how can we address the burnout so that we can see what's possible.

Cait:

Yeah. So you have two options to start off. the reason I give two options is because some people are really angry. And resentful in the beginning when they're burnt out that's really common and you should not be ashamed of it. It's totally normal. And some people are just so depleted that they can't even be angry. it tends to be those two categories and sort of those two categories only. So, if you are in the angry category. And you're like, I'm mad. I'm mad that this happened to me. I don't think this is fair. Nobody's helping me. Everything's a disaster. I do everything by myself, and you're just going down this road. Then, you start with something called the Resentment Journal. This is something you can get on my website. I can send you a link to it later, but you start with a resentment journal. We'll put it in the show notes. The resentment journal is designed to help you utilize the emotions you are already having instead of telling you to do a gratitude journal, which you're not feeling right now anyway, Let's work with the emotions you actually have and figure out what they're trying to tell you so that you can take the next steps. when you use resentment, it will show you where you are engaging in self neglect. all the places that you're putting other people's needs before your own, and you're pissed about it. So that you can stop making that choice, or you don't have to put yourself first. the director of coaching at my company, Sarah Vosen, always says, I don't need you to put yourself in first place, but I need you to be part of the equation. At the very least, be in the equation of the decisions that you're making in your life. So, we're not saying forget everybody else. Put yourself first. I have a newborn. like it's not always feasible to put yourself in first place. That's okay, as long as you are still included in the equation. the first thing that resentment will teach you is everywhere that you're self neglecting. then you can make decisions about how you want to do things differently. The next thing it will tell you is every single place that your boundaries are being crossed most of the time by you. you have to be willing to face that part. You have to be willing to get honest. then you can decide what you want to do about that. The options there are drop it. Just stop doing the thing. Delegate it. Give it to someone else. Upgrade a tool. Make it easier for yourself because you finally allow yourself to use chat GPT instead of feeling like it's cheating. Or set a boundary with someone if it is an external boundary issue. It's only an external boundary issue around 10 to 15% of the time. So, before you jump into conversations with people that you're not quite ready to have, really take the time to figure out what your piece of it is, so that you can control that part first. And then, if you have to have a conversation after you've adjusted your own stuff, then you can do that. And the last thing. It will teach you is all the things that you want, but you're not allowing yourself to have. This is not just avoiding self care. This is avoiding allowing yourself desire and pleasure. So, if you look and you start to find you resentful of so-and-so, because they allow themselves to go for a walk after lunch instead of get right back on their computers, guess what? Yeah. Go outside. Get a walking desk if you have to. we convince ourselves that we can't have what other people have. And most of the time it's a lie. So, this is option one. If you're mad, do a resentment journal. Start with that. It will create some space. You will gain energy because you'll start fueling yourself again for the first time in a very long time. And you'll gain some pleasure. Because you'll allow yourself to have the things that you desire, that you want. So, that's option number one. Option number two is focus on foundational self-care.

Allison:

When people say self-care, I think taking a bath,

Cait:

The foundational self-care that we talked about before, right? foundational self-care is pee when you need to pee. Drink when you're thirsty. Rest when you're tired. Move when you're antsy. Breathe when you're anxious, right? It's the base signals of your body. What are they asking for and how can you respond to them? When you do this over time, two things happen. One, that part of your brain that's responsible for this starts to grow. this part of your brain helps you notice emotional change as well as these physical needs. So, you start to regulate your emotions better just by peeing when you need to pee. It's amazing. So, now you're spending a lot less energy. And in addition to that, what happens is you rebuild a relationship with your body that's built on trust. Your message to your body when you consistently show up and do these things is, Hey, I've got your back. I'm listening, and I got you So, your body starts to understand. It doesn't need to scream at you and it doesn't need to force you into mega exhaustion to put you to bed because it trusts that you're going to listen.

Allison:

Wow. I think this is so important for all you high achievers knowing that there's a pivot and you're blind to it. And you feel caged in, But you know that you're supposed to break through. this is, 25 years of leading big brand marketing at humongous global companies saying, I reached the goal that I thought was the biggest thing possible. And another 10 years went by and I was still there. I just thought, well, I reached the end. This can't be it. Right? that's when you and I met. you had just moved back to the US.

Cait:

from Prague.

Allison:

From Prague as you do. And I had just quit my big time corporate job, two weeks before COVID with no business plan because I was like probably burnt out. But I was so like, I cannot take one more new leader coming in and not bothering to learn anybody's last name. I mean, I can't. I've had it with that kind of baloney. So, there we were and you said, I think I'm going to start a podcast. And I was like, wow. That's awesome. That's so amazing. But those were the days when I was also growing. When you feel yourself not grow anymore, that doesn't mean that you're small. It means that it's time for you to go bigger. Yeah. And be bolder.

Cait:

And this is why we left Prague. Prague is a wonderful place to live and I was at the top of my game within the country there was not much else I could have built a bigger acupuncture clinic I was 36, my husband was 38 or at the top of our game. Yeah. We're not having kids. And we looked at each other and we were like, is this it? What's next? What do we do now? are we coasting from now until retire? Like that's way too many years to coast. And that's one of the reasons we came here, because the capacity to create anything that you want and the level of opportunity to create anything you want and be anyone you want is incredible in the United States. I grew up in Fall River, Massachusetts in a crappy city with a huge drug problem. I thought that if I could buy one of the big houses in my hometown, I would have made it like that was the extent of my shooting star. Then, I ended up doing a master's degree in California and living in Europe and speaking three languages. it's completely blasted out of every expectation that I ever had for myself. But still burnt out along the way because I didn't know what to do with any of it.

Allison:

if this feels familiar to you or if you are sitting in this now going, oh my gosh, Cait knows exactly where I am. You are not paving a new path. This is very common. And stop pretending you're not a badass. You definitely are. Everyone else can see it except you because of the blinders. Because you're taking care of everyone else because you haven't gone to the bathroom and now you have a UTI. Congratulations on your antibiotics.

Cait:

And because you're a good girl. Yes. You grew up in a particular religion or maybe you had parents that were really strict, or maybe a first generation immigrant that had to follow the rules of two cultures at once. The reason at the end of the day, Allison, it doesn't matter, we all got here for the same different reason.

Allison:

This, gives everybody permission to take a beat. Find a group I've been in group programs, I've led group programs and I still do. authors who want to write a book or their next book, but they're not sure how to go bigger. still see themselves in this, corner. What gets them into action is when someone they mentored breaks out. they're like, what the heck? I was their mentor and they're on, the USA today bestseller list. I'm like, yeah, but they decided to go bigger. you stayed a big fish in a lake. they were like, you know what sounds good, the ocean, so, now they don't need to keynote the industry conference because that's too small for them, now they're on stage with people who are not like them. So, if you're a psychologist and you're on panels with other psychologists, you're still thinking too small. You have to think bigger, be audacious. for me, what drives me is indignation. When I'm like, oh, I cannot believe they said that. I'm going to have to say something too.

Cait:

No. the actual definition of resentment is bitter indignation at having been treated unfairly.

Allison:

Okay, so resentment drives me. Great.

Cait:

But this is the thing. I think resentment is a superpower. If you can use it that way, then you're doing it right. Resentment is an emotion that we are taught to ignore, that it's evil, it's bad, it's wrong, it's all these things. But it gives us the best information.

Allison:

Yes. it gives us such perspective and fuel. The reason why I started this podcast, I'm telling you, most of the conventional wisdom about being an author is tired. When people come to me and say, but I thought it was supposed to be like this. Like, oh no, that is so outdated. Take it from a Fortune 50 marketer. There's always a faster way to where you want to go. Publishing is a very slow industry. The people who grew their professional lives in a publicly traded company, know that when there's a deadline, when a product is launching, hell or high water, you are going to be ready and it will be a success. there's always a way to package something or to present an idea so that it gets traction and it breaks through. And that's the most fun for me somebody told you no? We'll fix it.

Cait:

I love that.

Allison:

And that is you know, definitely fuels me. But I had to get through the burnout, so, the big headline here is if this is what you're feeling and you're starting to think, is it me or maybe I'm just not top of my game anymore? Yes, you are. Cait, what does the person need to hear from you so that they can take care and then go bigger?

Cait:

Number one, there are way too many factors involved in this process for this to be your fault. Most of them were out of your control. Number two, the things that you can control actually have a massive effect. And you don't have to do all of them at once. You can do one at a time and they build on each other. It's really magical. And number three, The world after burnout gives you a life that you never even knew you wanted, but you're going to enjoy more than anything else you've ever done.

Allison:

Oh my gosh. I'm getting full body chills. go bigger, go bolder, thank you Cait Donovan. I'm so thankful that we connected.

Cait:

Me too.

Allison:

I just so happy for your success and for all the good you're doing in the world. Tell us how everyone can connect with you.

Cait:

The best place is Cait Donovan.com. CAIT is Cait No K. So, Cait Donovan.com is the place to go for all things. And just please know. When I said, this cannot possibly be your fault. I mean that to the tips of my toes. It's not your fault. But we can fix it.

Allison:

And then, watch what happens.

Cait:

Exactly.

Allison:

It's going to be amazeboobs

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